Tag Archives: Recovery

Stepford Wife Street

Just watched “Altman.” A surprisingly good documentary about Robert Altman on Hulu, where I spend most of my life watching late night talk shows to pass my 50s.

And I realized, when it was over and had affected me like a good film will, that I live on a Stepford Wife Street, in a Tornado Alley (and not just metaphorically), in a life I don’t remember heading toward, and I don’t remember who I am. But it made me want to be reminded.

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In Spite of

In spite of a hellish week of over work. Tasks I abhor. Unreasonable requests. I feel fine. I have been feeling fine for 4 weeks. Exactly 4 weeks. After …somewhere between 10 and 40 years of moderate to sever depression and anxiety.

I keep thinking of that therapy model I read somewhere, that once you chip away at enough of the crap trees in the crap forrest, the rest just start falling.

Don’t honestly know if it’s a temporary reprieve or a new chapter that doesn’t suck as much, may even holds good things. Just know the trees are falling of their own accord now. OK, sometimes I have to give them a little nudge. But they’re falling.

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Not what you were expecting

Unexpected Toad Stools

Unexpected Toad Stools

A lot of things lately I have begun to accept as the way things turned out in my life. They are things. Though they are not what I was expecting. I was expecting a nuclear family, in fact tossed away a disjointed one under the assumption a balanced June Cleaver one would show up. One where our biggest issue of the day would be “will the Beaver eat his broccoli?” No such simplicity has evolved. In fact things have grown complicated, stressful, scattered, but looking around I recently noticed, more full of love than I expected.

You can have 2.5 regular children who move away, and you know really move away. You can have a marriage that is comfortable. I am not comfortable, but I noticed lately that I am very loved. Much more than I expected to be by the balanced Beaver clan even. Maybe I just need to give that love back and Not What I Was Expecting will be enough.

Unexpected Sunflower

Unexpected Sunflower