Tag Archives: change

In Spite of

In spite of a hellish week of over work. Tasks I abhor. Unreasonable requests. I feel fine. I have been feeling fine for 4 weeks. Exactly 4 weeks. After …somewhere between 10 and 40 years of moderate to sever depression and anxiety.

I keep thinking of that therapy model I read somewhere, that once you chip away at enough of the crap trees in the crap forrest, the rest just start falling.

Don’t honestly know if it’s a temporary reprieve or a new chapter that doesn’t suck as much, may even holds good things. Just know the trees are falling of their own accord now. OK, sometimes I have to give them a little nudge. But they’re falling.



Positivity vs Realism vs Balance

Have you ever noticed that the person who says “I’m just being honest” is usually being honest about something crappy? Some fault or flaw, which may be real, but did it really need pointing out? I’m starting a campaign to start noticing the good in people, the beauty, the talents, the kindnesses, and note them with the addendum “… I’m just being honest.”
“You are so thoughtful. I’m just being honest.”

That said, I have also noticed that there are friends of mine on the positivity train, and they refuse to stop to listen to any fact that doesn’t send them through the roof with joy, thereby ignoring facts that give them information about the path they are on and obstacles potentially in that path. And I’m starting to realize that ignoring trouble because it isn’t fully supporting you in getting where you are going, can leave you boxed in a corner, it may be a very upbeat corner, but it limits your movement none the less.
So, I’m starting another campaign to see positivity as calmly and with equanimity informing yourself of all the facts about what you are heading toward, good, bad and indifferent, and keeping a positive attitude about your ability to navigate the waters of your journey.  Instead of pretending that you are not heading toward rapids, preparing for the rapids, riding them, maybe even enjoying the challenge, but knowing you are in rapids and hanging on for dear life if need be so you make it to the other side. Listening only to people and facts that blindly support you and ignoring potential challenges can leave you laying back relaxing without a life jacket when you hit the muddy rolling waters and jagged rocks.
I am making a lot of changes in my life, and as I do these are my new goals: Be aware. Be hopeful. Be resourceful. And when crossing into any new venture, just as I would do crossing a street, stop, look and listen.

By the way – you are amazing.  I’m just being honest.

big decisions

Been noticing the way people around me have been dealing with big change and big decision making lately. Here are the methods I’ve seen:
1. denial – ignore it and it won’t happen (or you’ll deal with it later)
2. flop flop with enthusiasm and certainty (at least you know how you feel, and then how you feel next, and then how you feel next…)
3. agonize over the right decision (shows you care, not really a results oriented practice)
4. look outside yourself for help (helpful? all depends on who you look to)
5. look inside yourself for clues, passions, a feeling you are drawn to one outcome, one way of dealing with change that suits you (similar to 2, but with consistency over time, and maybe an answer from deeper within, great when your insides are giving up those clues)

How do you deal with big change and big decisions?