For the first time in my life, I came to understand following recently. I was taking an East Coast Swing dance class, and gritted my teeth and asked to learn the “follow” side. After some jarring moments of feeling pushed around, of trying to anticipate where the leader was going to go next, I realized – just let go, relax, and not know what to expect. In that moment, my body relaxed, my mind emptied and I became an excellent follow. For what is sure to be the first time in my life, I became an excellent follow. I am someone who doesn’t even like walking behind people on sidewalks. I will walk on the street and risk getting run over rather than follow. But all of a sudden it was easy, enjoyable and I became like a paint brush in the hands of an artist, or and actor in the hands of a writer. I bring a quality and an art to the movement, I just don’t decide the direction in which I am headed.
It occurred to me today, this is what I need to do right now with my life. I have been pushing the river, or more accurately standing in the rushing river fighting the currents for so long that I don’t know what it will feel like to go along with the natural flow of my life. I am eager to find out and curious what that will look like. To look around and see what is working and head toward the opportunities that present themselves willingly, instead of heading toward opportunities that aren’t there and finding myself alone on the dance floor. Working with people, working with the greater … scheme of things and where I fit into the world and where I fit in other people’s lives and creativity, instead of demanding that my idea of where I fit be where everyone has to join me will be new. I am hoping it will be as graceful and relaxing and enjoyable as following a good lead when dancing. I do believe in a natural flow and natural laws of the universe, of energy and emotion, and a higher power guiding all that, and even if you don’t believe in those things, there is timing and the bigger picture of your life. It’s impossible to see everything you’ve ever done and ever will do all at once. Paying attention to what is working now and going the direction of least resistance to reach your goals, even if it seems a little indirect, may lead you to moves you never knew you had in you.
Anyway, I’m going to give it a try. Maybe I’ll be come a good follow in life, of a bigger plan.